Their Decision: I Suffer


I’ve used cannabis for 32 years so far. Finally saw it legalized completely in my state of California. Thought perhaps people had made their decision known about the use of cannabis.

Then, 10 days after the law coming into effect, I was banned from cannabis use.

You see, I am in chronic pain from a motor vehicle accident and have been using both opiates and cannabis, along with other pain killers, to survive and ‘get by’ since the wreck.

Yesterday I was told in order to receive my opiate therapy I would be forced to quit cannabis. They will also discontinue my prescription for carisoprodol, a muscle relaxer.

There will be monthly urine tests. This urine must contain my particular opiates, but must also be free of cannabis. I’ve been sent to the dreaded ‘Pain Management” specialists. A word that strikes fear in the heart of most chronic pain patients.

I can’t simply ‘see another doctor’, I’m in a rural area and have been thru every doctor there is. I’ve been trying to avoid this decision for over a year, with success so far.

Now, my social life is in ruins, my pain will be intolerable, and I will be disabled to a larger extent. I’m hopeless, desperate, and severely depressed. I’ve been using cannabis to treat not only my pain but also my mood, as living with chronic pain takes a toll on the mind.

To top it all off, the doctor recommended a dangerous and addictive drug to replace the cannabis. I refused, citing the problems I have now with being cut off from my medications. Set up for a fall.

So, in the realization nobody reads this and nobody can help me, I lay down, depressed, hopeless, and alone.

Today’s a good day to die.



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